highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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