Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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