i barfeds in our rink
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
