i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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