just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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