Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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