I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
