i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
