y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
