my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
