Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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