i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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