My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
