every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
