..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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