Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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