is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
