In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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