he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
