Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
