found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
