i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
