i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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