I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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