You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
