Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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