i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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