I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
