why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
