Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
