just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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