I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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