I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
