I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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