I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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