is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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