Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
