just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
