so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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