you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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