you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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