How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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