the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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