I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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