you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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