i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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