My first STD was from a foam party
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.