my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
sarcasm needs its own font
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
did i walk over a car last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?