porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.