Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
These tits shall not be calmed
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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