I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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