i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
