So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
