so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
