i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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