i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
