My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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