He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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