i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
