i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
