we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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