he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
