If i come over, it means nothing
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
