I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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