Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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